The Sky Is Falling

I was at blaisdell tonight. (However the hell you spell that dome looking thing’s name.) I cried there from about 10-11pm really hard. I’ve never found a better explanation or ever felt this lonely before. It’s the kind of pain where you feel so lonely and sad to the point where it physically hurts. I notice that this happens when I am either too happy and cannot believe it, or when I am too sad to believe.

I really liked tonight’s atmosphere- despite how shitty I was feeling. It felt like it was 5’o clock in the morning, the time where I used to sneak out when I was 5-6 years old to buy the breakfast sourdough at Jack in the Box. Oh, and you can’t forget the mozzarella cheese sticks.

No other words can best explain how I feel except

I don’t know.

I’m going to sleep it off with my dog. At least I know she won’t leave me. Just as long as long as the other person isn’t holding any yummy snack or human food.

Bold what’s you, or what you like, or what you’ve done.

My personality:

I’m loud.

I’m obnoxious.

I’m sarcastic.

I’m cocky.

I cry easily.

I have a bad temper.

For the most part, I don’t like people.

I’m easy to get along with.

I like to fight.

I have more enemies than friends.

I’ve smoked.

I’ve smoked weed.

I drink coffee.

I clean my room daily.

My appearance:

I wear makeup.

I wear a piece of jewelry at all times.

I wear contacts.

I wear glasses.

I’ve had braces.

I have braces.

I change my hair color often.

I straighten my hair often.

I have small feet.

Relationships:

I’m in a relationship now.

I’m single.

I’ve fallen real hard for someone.

I can’t see anyone else but the person I like.

I’ve missed an ex before.

I’m always scared of being hurt.

An ex has physically abused me at least once.

I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.

I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.

I’ve been in love more than two times.

I believe in love at first sight.

I believe lust is more important than love.

Friendships:

I have a best friend.

I have at least ten friends.

I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend.

I’ve beaten up a friend.

I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend.

I can trust at least five people with my life.

Experiences:

I’ve been on a plane.

I’ve been on a train.

I’ve left the state/province.

Someone close to me has died.

I’ve taken a taxi.

I’ve taken a city bus.

I’ve taken a school bus.

I’ve gone bungee jumping.

I’ve made a speech.

I’ve been in some sort of club.

I’ve won an award.

I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight.

I’ve been in a physical fight.

Music:

I listen to country.

I listen to pop.

I listen to techno.

I listen to rock.

I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it.

I hate the radio.

I download music.

I buy CD’s

Television:

I spend at least six hours a day watching television.

I watch soap operas daily.

I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives.

I’ve seen and like The OC.

I’ve seen and like One Tree Hill.

I’ve seen and like America’s Next Top Model.

I’ve seen and like Popular.

I’ve seen and like House.

I’ve seen and like 24.

I’ve seen and like CSI.

I’ve seen and like Everwood.

Family Life:

I get along with both of my parents.

My biological parents are still together.

I have at least one brother.

I have at least one sister.

I have at least one step brother/sister.

I have at least one half brother/sister.

I’ve been kicked out of the house.

I’ve ran away from my home.

I’ve sworn at my parents.

I’ve made my parents cry.

I’ve lied to my parents.

I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.

I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing.

I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out.

I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded.

Hair:

My hair is brown.

I’ve had streaks.

I’ve cut my hair in the past year.

I’ve dyed my hair in the past year.

I’ve been blonde.

I’ve had black.

I’ve been red.

I’ve been light brown.

I’ve been medium brown.
I’ve had purple/pink.

I’ve been blue/green.

I’ve gotten my hair thinned.

I use conditioner.

I’ve used silk therapy.

I’ve used hot oil treatments.

I’ve curled my hair.

I’ve straightened my hair.

I’ve ironed my hair.

I’ve braided my hair.

I’ve had/want dreadlocks.

School:

I’ve thrown something at a teacher.

I’ve yelled at a teacher.

I’ve been suspended.

I’ve had an in-school suspension.

I’ve been sent to the principal’s office.

I’ve walked out of class.

I’ve skipped an entire day of school.

I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class.

I’ve failed a test.

I’ve cheated on a test.

I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test.

I’ve failed Art.

I’ve failed P.E.

I’ve failed Math.

I’ve failed Science.

I’ve failed another class.

A teacher has called my parents.

I’ve been caught skipping.

Mainly because my battery died

But- what I ended up doing today was I went to the beach.

Like always. I felt like Ariel- except lost in sea with nothing but a thing-a-mo-bob.

I saw fireworks and it made me realize that’s how love is. Temporary happiness with sparks of “ooh’s” and “ahhhh’s” here and there. Perhaps you just need to find someone that’s your star. That’s willing to stay and not disappear into thin air. And then the song ‘Airplanes’ tuned in my mind. ‘Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars’ I was thinking- and thinking and thinking. Until I noticed I was just staring at the sky. a.k.a zoning out. That I wouldn’t know what to wish for. I’m pretty content with how my life is right now- whether it is horrible or whether it is good, I want to endure it.

That’s how you become stronger yanno?

So……moving on..

I really like that light travels faster than sound. It’s really soothing to watch and hear the delay.

Everyone is so hyped up with the thunder and lightening that’s been going on. I on the other hand enjoy it very much. Thunder- (to me on my opinion) is like a lullaby. It’s the only time I could fall asleep soundly and peacefully. I love it.

Speaking of love. There’s a lot of things I love- just not in love. I noticed there’s a really big difference of loving something/someone and being in love. I don’t think I can ever grasp the concept of ‘love’, perhaps it’s not something to think about but just do. The three word phrase- that I like to call death sentence “I love you.” rarely comes out of my mouth. No, I don’t like throwing it around- not even to my friends. Yes, it gives me chills even typing it out. It’s that special.

I can’t help but to make sure whomever I am saying these special phrases to- to know that it means a lot for me to say it. 

“I’m in love with you.” “I love you.” “Sweet Dreams.”

I actually have a distaste for the word love. It’s so overused. Tossed around like salad, and then sugarcoating it with other words like it’s ranch dressing. They say ‘hate’ is such a strong word- wait till they see how ‘love’ just “slips” out of people’s tongues. It’s really sad because it is a beautiful word. To tell you the truth it gets me really angry sometimes.

I’m falling asleep. Goodnight.

Cause right now I feel invisible to you.

Like I’m not real.

I feel like Avril tonight.