The Sky Is Falling

There is not a day when I don’t stop thinking about your existence.

The sad part?

Well, the truth is?

I can’t tell you.

The only comfort I seem to find is knowing ‘boy’ is going to be waking up to a brand new day. I’m obviously not asleep so I am not going to wake up today.The idea that had nearly killed me about 2 years ago was the fact that I will still be awake 6 in the morning watching another day pass. It was some kind of twisted sick experience. The world moved on, no matter what you did. Time stopped for no one. Once you realize this and take to account that this is something totally out of your control, you start to lose it.

I mean I sure did. It was the most horrible feeling. 

I slept in the afternoon around 12 or 1pm because sleeping as the sun rose was just too much for me. I woke up around 3pm because letting the sun set was unbearable. In the end time is not measured, it’s infinite. I barely ate and drank about 6-8 cans everyday. This was on repeat like an old vinyl record for about 2 months. Sleeping was hard. Waking up was even harder. I remember I cried every time I woke up. It’s odd how I’m more emotional in the morning than I am at night.

I was crushed, saying I was broken wasn’t enough to explain what I was going through. But now I take it as something beautiful. It’s the fact that I am coming to these realizations now. Had I not experienced this- I wouldn’t have learned such valuable lessons. In the end it’s not about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself little by little every inch and step of the way.

You know what I’m really obsessed with?

Stars, Planets, and the Moon.

They’re such beautiful words don’t you think?

I want to go to a planetarium.